UCWG 026: How Do You Experience Intimacy with the Various People in Your Life? Consciously Forming the Right Kinds of Relationships with Simone Sauter.


Simone Sauter is a veteran of Uncomfortable Conversations With Gregory. After her last appearance in UCWG 007: Why Do You Believe What You Believe About Relationships? she is back to talk about her concept of relationships has changed in her own life and in what she has seen in the lives of the clients she works with as a heartbreak coach. This time, we go far beyond conventional romantic intimacy and approach the subject on a larger sociological level.

Gregory discusses his recent unceremonious removal from the Dynamite Circle, the online entrepreneur community that originally brought he and Simone together as friends and conversation partners. After writing an unfavorable review of the professional services of one of the community’s more prominent members following a bad business experience, the community founder decided to remove Gregory with little explanation.

Gregory and Simone use this unfortunate experience as a launchpad to discuss how individuals and organizations can operate on premises of pretending that what is true is not true. This method of operation always proves unsuccessful and unsustainable in the long-run, as censorship can only temporarily delay the inevitable.

Sometimes we have to make a choice between what is true and what is comfortable. We also need to choose what kind of people we bring into our lives once we know where our allegiance falls. If you’re not authentic with yourself and the people you want to serve, your life becomes divided into a series of false stories you want to tell. The space between you and reality widens further as time goes on.

Nobody should be immune to challenge. Authentic people and businesses should welcome tests of authenticity. Integrity is doing the right thing regardless of social consequences (or lack thereof).

In order for a community of any size or kind to operate, the participating members must agree on certain fundamental values and relationship dynamics. Do you consciously choose the principles by which you interact with the people in your life? What qualified someone to be part of your life? How does this change for differing levels of intimacy and function?

To understand what makes for a good relationship of any kind, you have to understand your own operating principles (whether they are deal-breakers or mere preferences). To have a fulfilling sex life, you must understand your own sexual nature. Women are the most frequent victims of not having had the opportunity to discover their own sexual nature. If you don’t know your own sexual nature, how is your partner supposed to? One of the worst sexual experiences for a man is to not be able to read the responses of his female sexual partner. Women never learn about their own nature, and thus cannot share this vital part of themselves with their partners.

Intimacy is the dissolution of barriers between separate parties. Guard yourself against excessive intimacy when it is not safe to remove your barriers. Allow yourself to become intimate with those who align with your principles – physically, mentally, emotionally, and everything inbetween.

Simone Sauter - From Pain to Power

Simone Sauter – From Pain to Power

Websites mentioned:
Simone Sauter’s relationship coaching services, From Pain To Power:
https://frompaintopower.de/

Simone Sauter’s first appearance on Uncomfortable conversations: https://gregorydiehl.net/ucwg-007-believe-relationships-resetting-conceptions-love-romance/

The Dynamite Circle digital nomad community:
http://dynamitecircle.com/

Gregory Diehl’s unfavorable review of a Dynamite Circle member:
https://gregorydiehl.net/edmund-john-flag-theory-review/

Your life is a series of narratives.

Narrative is selective truth. It is the little patches of reality that contribute to a cumulative purpose. Narrative is always in the eye of the beholder, for he selects which parts of reality he considers important for his own purposes. To know your narrative in life is to know which end you are trying to reach. It is paying attention to the parts of your experience which bring you closer to that state.

Without narrative, life is a stream of chaos, absent of order. Meaningful progress becomes impossible, because you have no way to measure how far you are from your goal. There are no means to determine the significance of past events, or what you must do next. Narrative is the map of a purposeful life. It is the formula for excellence created in a specific way.

Look for the overarching narrative theme to the incidental events of your life. This is how you create progress. The theme builds upon itself with each new experience. Small stories either contribute to the larger meaning behind your life, or else they loop endlessly, dooming us to solve the same problems time and again until we expire. When you understand your narrative, you know what lessons every trial has to teach you about yourself. You embrace these lessons at every opportunity.

What narrative are you in right now? Get over your heartbreak so you can learn to love again. Prove your love to someone who matters. Cut the correct wire before the ticking bomb goes off. Beat the bad guy, save the girl, and ride off into the sunset. When one narrative reaches its conclusion, the start of another is surely soon to follow.

You are never living just one life. You are living a series of many lives, concurrently and sequentially. A new life begins with each new problem you dedicate your life’s resources to solving. The setting is established by the conditions you are already accustomed to. An inciting incident alters the status quo, bringing a series of signature challenges. Your character must change himself and acquire the tools he will need to surmount these obstacles, before vanquishing the source of the dismay. The world is restored, but your character is never the same.

Life’s narratives arise organically as a component of living. You can’t help but react to the universe’s random changes of within this framework. To begin to write your own narratives, you must first live beyond narratives. You must learn to look at your life without this imposed order to your experiences. Then you can select for yourself the story you are trying to tell out of all the themes available. This is the only way to direct the actions of your life toward the outcome you desire: by making a conscious choice about the problems that consume you.

Love without discrimination is meaningless.

Love, in its most basic form, is a shared sense of identity. It is not limited to the ideal romantic narratives we learn from Hollywood and society’s other public storytellers. You love an object because it enables you to express who you are. It complements your sense of identity. You love a famous person because you see parts of them in yourself, or at least parts of them you wish were in yourself. You love another person in a deep and personal way because you are capable of empathizing with them as though you were living the same life.

The strongest romantic pair bonds embody this identification on a practical level by living a shared existence for the remainder of life. All healthy people have a primordial instinct to put the needs of their young children above their own. Such extreme identification as parental love is essential for the survival of our species.

Love then, without discrimination, becomes completely meaningless. To love all thing is to identify with each the same way and to the same degree. It means you do not know what you are and what you are not. A claim of universal or unconditional love is an admission of low self-knowledge. It is impotent love without preference or prioritization. It means you do not know what you stand for out of all the possibilities that come with the human experience.

The ability to choose what you prefer (to discriminate) in any domain is where the potential for all momentum originates. Every major action a man can ever take stems from his preference or non-preference for what he experiences. He is either actively pursuing or actively avoiding what he knows of reality. Therefore, the greatest possible actions are only open to those who know the most about reality and their person discrimination over it.

What would you fight for? Who would you live and die for? These are terrifying questions to ordinary people who do not know their own potential for suffering or pleasure. To choose what you want with authentic desire is the most powerful of human acts in the world. All other action stems from the inciting incident of choice.

Choice is what will unlock your ability to accomplish your most heroic deeds. Discrimination is what will unlock the path you will follow and the battles you will fight. Choose wisely.

UCWG 007: Why Do You Believe What You Believe About Relationships? Resetting Conceptions About Love and Romance.

Simone Sauter - From Pain to Power

Simone Sauter – From Pain to Power

Simone Sauter is a life coach specializing in getting over heartbreak. She joins Gregory to discuss a recent bout of heartbreak that took even her by surprise. Together, they try to make meaning out of the mess of emotional turmoil these recent events have left her in. Over the course of their uncomfortable conversation, Simone gets the opportunity to reevaluate how she acquired the conceptions of relationships she has, how they are harming her, and ultimately how to replace them with something better.

Join in on the conversation in your own mind as you consider the negative associations in your own life, why and how you seek companionship at all, and how to move from a place of pain to one of power. None of us has to live our lives by the standards and false beliefs of other people. External judgment is idle. Take back control of the meaning of the words you use to define yourself and your life.

What are you actually looking for in a romantic partner?
How quick are you to project those standards onto the suitors you entangle your life with?

Website mentioned: https://frompaintopower.de/

Simone’s 2nd appearance in UCWG 026: How Do You Experience Intimacy with the Various People in Your Life? Consciously Forming the Right Kinds of Relationships with Simone Sauter –

UCWG 001: How Many Dicks Would You Have to Suck to Know You Weren’t Gay? The Practical Limits of Exploration.

Eddy Azar

Eddy Azar

There’s an ongoing debate around the world about the nature of homosexuality. Are you born a certain way? Is it possible to turn yourself straight or gay through willpower and open-mindedness? How does this apply to other unconventional romantic relationship structures like polyamorous marriage? Or just other forms of unconventional lifestyle exploration?

This show’s guest, a young man named Eddy, talks without reservation about how the most difficult experience of his life, his father’s suicide, helped him grow more than anything else. The family anchor he lost opened new horizons. As a result, he built new standards and values for himself.

He had to find out through experimentation what would make him the happier version of himself. He didn’t want to live his life for someone else. Yet, he still longed for deep love and devotion without obligation.

What are the limits of self-exploration in the context of your own life? Can anyone really say they are a happy person without extending their limits and feeling their extremes?